And he loved her......

Genesis 24:67 And He loved her......



Isaac loved Rebekah. Love is a very powerful emotion. It is very important to be loved, to feel love, to have someone to love you. I know, I am fortuanate. I have a husband and children that really love me. The first moment I held Rachel,I felt a love, like no other. the first moment I held my husband, I felt a love like no other.



I didn't always have that love. Oh my parents loved me, but in a different way, a parental way. Not affectionate like a spouse. It is much different.



As I was heading off for Bible college, I dreamed of the love, the type a man loves a woman. I never recieved in in Bible College, I felt and was treated as unloveable, my dreamed was to be loved by a godly man, I was instead rejected, by many. I didn't turn my love, my desire towards Christ, who ought to be our first love. I turned it to self. After I left BC, I did get many dates, that isn't said to be prideful. It is true. But it was attention from the wrong type of men. It wasn't true love, it was worldly ungodly lust. Sickening as it may sound, but I got my desire filled, I treated as if I was loved. Love is powerful, it is strong, when doesn't feel it, they can often turn to drastic things such as I.

The Bible calls women the weaker vessel for a reason. We are weak. I am weak and I needed love. I didn't get it from the right type of man, so I sought after it from the wrong type.

I wasn't a great Christian, I wasn't bad either. I loved the Lord and wanted to serve Him, just not alone. After a pretty weak dating first year and half of BC, I wasn't ready to give up love, for God.I know that sounds really sad. It is the honest truth though. Why am I confessing this? Because this is a common problem with Female Bible College students. They are pressured into finding a man, consciously or subconsciously, and when they don't especially their first year, they feel like a failure, and worse, unloveable.

Free Rice

If you love vocabulary, you my like this free mind numbing game
www.freerice.org

What is your hughest level? mine was 39

Mark

On saturday Aug 2nd, my nephew Mark Lee Allen passed away of 2 brain tumors at the age of 20. He is a remarkable young man, life cut short. I did talk to him about Christ he understood. He was intubated, so I really couldn't have a deep conversation. I am at peace knowing that he was at peace making his choice.
He choose when he was to die, he was taking off dialysis on Saturday morning and passed away in my sister's arms. They need alot of prayer right now. The funeral is tomorrow, pray God gives me courage and strength to comfort my family and wiotness as oppurtunity arises.

Home Sweet Home

Praise the Lord!!! the offer for the home was accepted. Now the loan just needs to go through.
Here is a picture of it. 1040 Hokanson
http://www.realtor.com/search/searchresults.aspx?zp=46304&mnp=18&mxp=17&typ=1&sid=7839f1f3188c48479a7a9e315ab8e134&pg=1

Moving On

Well in less then a month, we will be here 5 years. We are looking at moving to a different town.That seems to be the theme this summer, the theme to move. Both of my daughters best friends have moved to different states. Their teacher moved, and it seems like a mass exodus. Now we are moving, hopefully.

Our move isn't a great distance, just maybe 2 miles away, 1 mile from Church. We are attempting to buy a house. Praise God the offer was accepted. Now we must go through the hardest part, we must be able to get a loan. Pastor Mallinak preached a message on miracles at the beginning of the summer. As a family we have been praying for God to provide a miracle for us. we don't deserve a miracle. We deserve nothing but hell, but we are praying for a miracle, that miracle would be a home for us.

My family, my husband and daughters really need to see God work. I know He wants to, but I think we forget, often, too often about many of the miracles God has provided. My family needs to see God is
real. My husband needs to see, my daughters and even I. We don't deserve a home. There is nothing we can really do to obtain a home. If it happens it will solely be a miracle of God.

The thing about moving, isn't the hard work per sae, recently serveral families have moved. As I tell my daughters their dear friends are leaving, what do I say? How do I say it? How do I not run down a family decisions to do what is best for their family? When we moved 5 years ago we moved for what was best for our family, in doing so we faced a lot of derision. The pastor threw a fit, banned us from working in the church, lied to us to our soon to be new pastor. We almost was denied access to the Christian school. A little over a year later our former pastor left his wife and quit the ministry.

Now I am not saying this what is going to happen now, with so many people leaving, but I can't be judgemental in thier decsion either. I can't predict the future. I love my church, I love the people here and the staff and I also love the people that have left. I hate change!!!!

I am not sure exactly what the problems are. I do see a huge clique that has formed inside the church, either you are apart of it, or your not. It isn't easy to gain access to the clique. Often it requires someone to be employed by the church. If that isn't the case, then ask yourself, who is your best friend? Who do you hang with? Who is your spouses best friend? Who do they hang with? Who are they all employed by? How often do you associate with someone that has no employment with the church? It isn't to critisize, it is to make people think? Is every staff at Fairhaven Baptist Church right with God? Are they all trying to to do what is right? Are they all real? Was that the case 15-20 years ago when a mass exodus of staff occurred? We know the answer to that. So why assume that making best friends with only fellow coworkers ensures the ultimate biblical friendship? My problem isn't the staff, it is the clique groups that exists among the staff.

I am a better person because of my church, but to be truthful, I am a hurt person due to the rejection I often feel here as well. I have done what I can. I can only be responsible for me, not my husband not anyone else. So why am I rejected? That is why moving on is sometimes needed, sometimes hard.This blog may be hard to digest, denial may be set in. But what is said is truth.

Total dependence

My nephew Mark is fighting for his life. He is in the ICU on a ventilator, numerous medications, bleeding from his mouth, on dialysis. He is totally depending on others to care for him, and he still will not live, he will die, we are not sure how soon, the little booger has some fight, but he has no immune sysytem needs a 3rd BMT, but will not get it because his Kidneys have shut down and would not survive it, so now he is fighting infection after infection with out an immune system. That is total dependence.
That is what our Father wants from us, total dependence.

The difference is our Father offers an eternal life, Hope, Salvation, all humans can offer is just a little more time.

Today I visited Mark, He was laying there eyes flickering at the sound of my voice. I squueezed his hand and told him he needed to depend on Christ and Christ alone, He is the only one that can help him now. His eyes were flickering even more, he squuezed my hand and tried to do a slight nod. I was not quite sure if he was aware of what I was saying, but happy with the response a got. At break time I visited him a again. He heard my voice and kept moving his fingers, his mom was holding his hand, he kept moving them and seemed a little agitated. He wanted me to hold his hand, he calmed down when I told him I was holding his hand, he nodded his head and even squeezed my fingers. I am not sure if he understood what I was saying, but I did get an overwhelming peace knowing he wanted me there and my hand and voice comforted him.

If I perish

I have been reading the book "If I Perish" and to be truthful, I can't seem to finish it. It sickens me. A young girl intentionally seeking out to be a martyr for Christ. Not necessarily a victim of circumstamance, but intetionally seeking out to be a martyr, to the point she is fasting for 30 days and becoming weak and delirious doing it. This what I have taken out of the book. No Spiritual uplifting, or fervencey, but plain intentionally putting oneself in the line of fire.Are Christians so fantical about wanting to be a martyr that they will die in Christ's name, does that make us any different then the Musilm dying for allah?I am not saying we shouldn't stand for what we believe, I find the first deed of this young Korean heroic, she refused to bow down to the Japanse shrine. That was right, but to intetionally put yourself in the line of fire by praying to be a marytr and then starving yourself for 30 days to the point of being weak and delirious, isn't martyrdom, isn't fasting.I am just using this book as an illiustration of some far fecthed ideas of martyrdom, my main question is "Are Christians so fantical about wanting to be a martyr that they will die in Christ's name, does that make us any different then the Musilm dying for allah?"

From sick house to another

60 hours in 6 days, Yep that is what I have worked. Now I get to go home and take care of my sick 8 year old. Vomiting and diarrhea and fever all day. I am bringing IV supplies with me, to give her fluids. It sounds from her and daddy she is little dehydrated.

Unrepentant Rebel

Today I seen a young lady that once was very sweet, but now, not so. She is pregnant and lives with her boyfriend or married him what ever. I am not sure her Spiritual state, But it made stop and think.
I now see what my sin, must look to others. I lived with my DH for 3 years before marriage. I married an unsaved man, a nonbeliever. He is now a Christian, but it is not the same. I came back to church wanting to be accepted. Although, I have been forgiven, things are not the same. The shunning, the disapproval and the thought I just rub my sin in everyone's nose and for what is preached and teach.

I pray my actions don't seem to look like that. when I came back, I came back not to parade my sinful lifestyle around, but to disharness the hold that Satan has on me. I am truly sorrowful for the hurt I have caused to many, to all. I am ashamed of my sin, maybe that is why I take it lightly, so I bare it less. But wickedness is still wickedness no matter how you paint it. There is never an excuse to sin. Never!

My fear is that my daughters will do what I done, what this girl done. I can't do anything but blame myself. I have no idea how to even prevent it. All I can do is pray for mercy, and believe God will protect them from such wicked temptation.

I no longer what to be a rebel. I want to be holy, Holy unto the Lord

What not to buy

1. Don't buy anything that plugs in. Anything that requires electricity is seen as utilitarian.
2. Don't buy clothing that involves sizes. The chances are one in seven thousand that you will get her size right, and your wife will be offended the other 6999 times. "Do I look like a size 16?" she'll say. Too small a size doesn't cut it either: "I haven't worn a size 8 in 20 years!"
3. Avoid all things useful. The new silver polish advertised to save hundreds of hours is not going to win you any brownie points.
4. Don't buy anything that involves weight loss or self-improvement. She'll perceive a six-month membership to a diet center as a suggestion that's she's overweight.
5. Don't buy jewelry. The jewelry your wife wants, you can't afford. And the jewelry you can afford, she doesn't want.
6. And, guys, do not fall into the traditional trap of buying her frilly underwear. Your idea of the kind your wife should wear and what she actually wears are light years apart.
7. Finally, don't spend too much. "How do you think we're going to afford that?" she'll ask. But don't spend too little. She won't say anything, but she'll think, "Is that all I'm worth?"

It's official

I am a mother of a teenager. My baby girl has turned 13. It's funny she is starting to notice boys. She has been planning her wedding, down to the colors and flowers. A couple weeks ago she had to have an EEG done to rule out seizures, luckly it seems to be just migraines. She had to stay up late, so I ventured the late night with her. Especially since there is no whay she could ever stay up by herself. she still gives herself a 9 pm bedtime.

So we were going through my junk in my bedroom. We found my wedding dress. I had her try it on. It fit her perfectly. (I know it is hard to believe I used to be that little). It was so KEWL to see her in my wedding gown.

Anyway, her goal is to marry a blue eyed, blonde hair cowboy. Now she doesn't really know any. But that is what she is looking for. Of course he will be a Christian she tells me. My goal for her, my prayer, is that she doesn't just marry a good man, but a Great man. A GREAT Christian man, that is in the center of God's will.

Grow in Grace

Maybe i am just over analysing this, but I was thinking of a sermon I heard about growing in grace and that being perfectly content in our Christian life. Basically being stagnant is in disobedience to Christ's command to Grow in Grace.

I don't know if this make sense. Maybe because I am typing this late or what. But I am far from happy in my Christian life. I am content, but I do want me. I want to grow in grace, but stupid things happen and I forget. I make plans to go soulwinning, but then something comes up and I forget. Something like a doctor's appointment, an errand I need to run for Brad or something like that.
Then I also would love to serve in my church. I am sure the staff totally thinks of me as one big slacker. All talk no action. But the truth is, what can I do and be consistent at it. I work every third weedend, so I miss church at least 1 0r 2 Sunday's a month. I could work Sunday School, but then again, that sometimes the only spiritual food I get for 4 days. unless, you count sermons on CD. Nursing home is out. I tried that, but working Late on Friday and not getting to bed until almost 4 many nights makes it really difficult to be at the nursing home at 9 am.

I just really do feel useless in my Christian life, and that I don't know what to do about it.

Micro Manage

Life as a mother is full of micro managing tasks.

I micro manage many times even from a busy ER, over an hour away.

Today for example
I make sure my daughters go to camp, swim lessons, get home safetly, do their chores, clean mop kitchen, clean bathroom, dust living room and vacuum.

I even comfort the weak of heart, no not at work, but home.
It is 10pm and i am talking with Brad, he wonders why the girls bedroom light is on. He asked sami. Samantha is going through an emotional crisis. She has a strange feeling no one loves her, she just can't shake the no one loves me feeling. So I suggest she sleeps with daddy until I come home. She agreed and said it would help her feel loved.

Micro managing from a level 1 trauma ER

The Valley

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)



I been thinking about this verse alot since it was discussed in Sunday School. I feel I am always ever drowning in the valley, in the shadow of some great mountain. We sing I want that mountain, but why? In the valley it is lush and safe and sweet. I never thought of the valley of despair to as that. But if you think of it, it is lush of beauty, waters so deep, plenty of food to eat. The security of the valley so Close to God.

The talk

Grace and Truth stood by the sea. Grace spoke of plentous waters to see, to bathe , to drink, to even feed. Truth proclaimed thru harsh coarseness love, the dangers of deep, the pollute thereof. It warned of current to strong to swim, the rip tide too. Grace swooped down to tastethe water, proclaimed no harm, but feet did falter. Grace scoffed at the Way, the Truth and Life, and met his fate in drowned waters.

Grace is wonderful, beautiful and kind, Truth so rough while pure in mind. Grace without truth will lead to death without life. For both is necessary in the Christian life. For both need Christ's mercy shown in Grace and Truth.

Need

Christ is all I need,
to comfort the soul
To tighten the lead
for my heart to know

The ever cleansing Blood

When tears of sorrow flow down my cheeks
It's not the dreaded morrow, but frightful weeks
That turns months to years
Failed goals that sear

Rips the heart
from beating chest
Ends in failure from the start
The work, the wait is lack of best.

The neverending tock of clock
Rings the alarming of haunt
Dreams that are tightly locked
Desires burn, ache and flaunt

Out of reached for troubled hand
Broken mirror of reality face
a look from horrible sinful man
Salt of tears linger in taste

Despair closing in
The blood of Christ washes once again

Devotions

I read this vesre in my devotions recently


Proverbs 16:5
Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished

The noun every one really spoke to me, how God is not a respector of persons. that everyone that is proud in heart is an abomination, me, my children, my family, my pastor, my church that is proud in heart is an abomination.
not usre why this verse really impacted me, but 4 days later i am still dwelling on it.

Delilah

Judges
16:5
And the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and said unto her, Entice him, and see wherein his great strength lieth, and by what means we may prevail against him, that we may bind him to afflict him: and we will give thee every one of us eleven hundred pieces of silver.


I wonder if all that money made Delilah happy?

Mark 2

Kee[ praying for Mark. He is off the ventilator, but is still CPAP to help him breath, he is recovering slowly, but still is confused at times, pulling out tubes and what not. I love my nephew, he is a good boy, man. But he needs salvation

Mark

My Nephew Mark is 20 years old. He was diagnosised with2 brain tumors at the age of 17. In November he had his second Stem cell transplant. They used his own stem cells. Nine days ago he collapsed at home. He was airlifted to the pediatric hospital I work at. He is intubated (on a ventialtor) they took him off, then had to put him back on. He is not doing well at all. He isn't saved. I am scheduled to go sword shopping with him. When gathers up some strength and no longer neutropenic (means he is unable to fight infection). It will be good alone time for us and I can witness to him. But riht now he is really sick, very critical, and could die. I am very scared my nephew will die, but even scaredier that he will go to Hell. Please pray for him

Trust

Well this is Wednesday of Preaching conference. Of the 4 messages I have heard so far, I would say trust was the theme. Preacher preached about miracles. Do you want a miracle? Well first we have to Trust. Pastor Greene preached about surrendered, being filled with the Holy Spirit, and not doubting your salvationfirst we must Trust. Pastor Unger preached about cleaning sin out of our life, first we must trust. This morning Pastor Greene preached about being consencrated, first we must Trust.

This why I believe this seems to be the theme.

My life has changed so much in the last 22 years. Why I say 22? Well it was 22 years ago I came to the first preching conference. Yeah, I know I am old, and I am feeling it too. There has been many changes that have taken place in my life in those 22 years, every change has came about with one descion. That descion lies in Trust.

I had to trust for my salvation. I had trust in people I went to church with. I had to trust in revealing my deepest darkest secrets and past. I had to trust I would go to Bible College, that God would provide away. I had to not trust when I quit church, I ran from God, hid from Him (tried to). I had to trust when I went back to church, when I came back to Fairhaven, to confide in staff and trust their counsel. I had to trust with my marriage, and now I have to trust with kids.

I am scared to death, I am having a difficult time in trusting with my children. I am really trying to raise my girls for the Lord, but my oldest has no desire to be serious. It is fun and games. No true devotion. I really don't know what to do with her. I am scared to death that she will not make it. I try to be consistent, more involved and helping her. Our family devotions have beenmuch more focused, thought out and even prayed for. But she just isn't getting it. I never wanted to be a parent. The idea of molding and being responsible for someone elses life is to overwhelming for me. I am truly scared. I am scared all the mistakes, mishaps, and such will haunt me in my daughters actions. I can't parent perfectly, I wish I could but I can't. When God created me, He knew I would be a sinner, an incompetent parent, so why did He make me? And why can't I be the parent I need to be, is it the lack of Trust? I dunno

Grace changes us

Last Sunday there was a sermon preached on Galatians 6: 15 and 16. The theme for the message is how Grace changes us. I can account for that Grace has changed me in so many ways. It has changed my life, my attitude, thinking, actions. It has done the same with my family.

If we as Christians accept that Grace Changes us, shouldn't we also accept that Grace changes others, as well? One would expect that, but it often is not what is experienced. We can accept Grace for ourselves, but have trouble accepting it for others.

How have you accepted that Grace has changed others in their life?

Morality, why does it matter?

I have been thinking about this on my way too work. I heard about Chelsea Clinton response to a young reporter when question about her mom response to her father's affair with Monica. She said it wasn't the repoters business. Well is it? Or is it not. Does morality really matter? Does in matter in our everyday lives, does it matter in others? Is it something to be concerned of in the white house?



As much as I believe that the private lives of individuals should be sacred, I also believe that morality is a key component to every aspect of life, even in the politicians we choose to lead us. Morality is important. We need it to survive as a republic. Yes, that is what the US is, a republic. Without morality, we will be left with a chaotic state.

Morality keeps us in check. It keeps us focus on what is right and wrong. And making appropiate decsions. All can be moral, but not all can be righteous. Today, I as reading in Matthew about the servant that owed 10,000 talents to his master. He begged for mercy, and was given it. The master was moral, just in his treatment, but that same servant was immoral in the 100 pence owed him, taking the debtor by the throat. He had no morality in him.

The same when morality was ignored in the 1930's and 40's by the Germans. Although Hitler disliked the Jews, the treatment was far from moral. It was horrific. The same with the Kmer Rouge, in Cambodia. Morality was ignored and death, murder was perpetrated.

Now how can that relate to morality in the White House? If are leaders choose to ignore the fultility of pracicing morality, then, all will end in total chaos. Death by the most cruel attempts will be glorified. Life will be of no concern to any, to all. We will be mere drones.

Morality is important in every aspect of our life.

Conversation

I wanted to share 2 conversations I had with my daughters.

The first one took place 3 weeks ago. We got rid of our computer. Rachel asked why? Mommy "We need to spend more time with you. Didn't you felt left out when me and dad was on the computer so much?" Rachel and Sami "NO".

Second conversation that took place Thursday. Mommy " are you glad we don't have a computer at home" The subject of WiFi was brought up and what was it? Rachel and Sami " YES!!!"

Computer did make a difference in our home life. 1 month down and we survived not having a computer at home. What a blessing

Top 5 reasons why I am voting for Hillary.

It is true I am voting for Hillary Clinton for the May primary. I know many men on blog and other weblogs and forums consider me as a women's liber, feminist. Well here is your proof. I am voting for Hillary for the democrat primary in May, and here is why.
1. Republican canidate has already been decided
2. I can't stand Indiana republican govenor. He is as worthless as well, I can't say, some may be offended.
3 There is no republican canidate running against Mitch Daniels. Thus I am left to vote democrat to get rid worthless loser money grubbing big business, trying to make some good connections so I can run for president out of office jerk.
4. O'bama has been racial influenced for over 20 years by sitting under a bigoted racist pastor. That is scary.
5. Hillary has 8 years experince running the white house, I already know my enemy, so hopeful there will not be too many surprizes left. Maybe a divorce from her hubby.
So this is my reasons why I am voting for Hillary in the primary. Now if you think I am wrong tell me why. Tell me your thoughts on the matter. I want to know. I also want all to know if it was for the worthless govenor of Indiana I wouldn't even have to make this decison, but we need to get him out of office. But don't let this female fool you, I definitely will not vote for her this fall, when it really counts.

Discussion on Religion

I do work with many Roman Catholics. They were asking me about my religion. I had said I don't dance, they asked me why. I explained that it was worldy (a term they don't understand) and about jarring the point sex appeal. They think wearing a skirt is sexier then dancing.

I also explained the biggest difference in the Roman Catholic religion and Baptist is their view on Salvation. They didn't even know what the Roman Catholics teach on Salvation.

I knew more about the Catholic Religion then these 3 staunch Catholics. They had no knowledge of what they believe or why. They just do it because they we raised that way.

I am so blessed to be in a church, a religion that teaches their members the Bible and what God says.

Ignorance isn't bliss, it is just ignorant

Devotions>>>> Job

I will be the first to admit, Job is a very hard book for me to read and understand. This time around, I really feel I am understanding the discourse taking place.

Job had a tragic thing happen to him, many. His so called godly friends come to him and try to get him to repent, admit he was wrong, he was wicked and he is full of sin. The problem arises because that is not the case. Job is a righteous man. He can't even repent, because he did no wrong to be judged.

I can sympathize with Job. Not that I am righteous. I am not, by any means. But I am trying. I am giving my life over to God. I am trying to surrender. Bad things still continue to happen, and instead of friends comforting me, they point their fingers and blame all the wicked sin in my life. I am told I don't pray enough or I am not having good solid devotions. I don't have and trust God. I am letting my family go what ever. All those accusations are false. I still can't seem to get ahead.

What I have came to realize in the last six months, is that people. My pastor, the staff, friends don't know my heart. They don't know my intent, my purpose. So they in reality can only speculate. My father knows my heart and my soul. I can't be responsible for anyone elses spirituality but my own. Yes, I do guide my children and pray for them. But in the end, they will have to determine if what they believe is fact or feeling. Something that Mrs. Brandenburg said really has stook out. That is that every person, ourselves and our daughters will have to come to the point in their life if the Bible is the Word or God, or not. I came to that point, but I can't make the decsion for my husband or daughters. They will have to do it themselves.

I still have no computer, but I will go to the library or blog from work. It will be infrequent, but it is what God wants.

Smashed

That is what I did, I smashed my notebook with a hammer. I refuse to let filth infiltrate my house, and I no longer have a computer. The only access I will have is at work. There is nothing to see here for now.

Dear Abby

Dear Abby My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job eight years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and B.S. with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do? Signed: Clueless


Dear Clueless, Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman - you don't need him anymore! You're a United States Senator from New York running for President of the United States. Act like one!

Devotions this week

There are 2 verses that stuck in my mind this week
The first being Psalms 119:19 I am a stranger in the earth

Often times I feel like that stranger in the earth. I don't fit in with the world, and I don't fit in with the Christians. My presence is ever peculiar, often uncomfortable.
_________________________________________________________

The second, I read today Psalms 119:83 For I am become like a bottle in the smoke; yet do I not forget thy statutes

In the commentary given by Ryrie he suggested the bottle would turn black and shrivel. I disagree with that. Not knowing for sure if they had glass in that time, but to me a bottle would mean glass or another hard fixed container, one that isn't going to shrivel up. Instead if you heat a bottle in extereme heat to cause it to smoke, what you going to get is an explosion. The bottle will explode with pressure.

I often feel like that bottle, ready to explode any time. I know the Bible I know God's Word and it explodes in my soul. The just shall live by faith, if faith is obedience, I want to be just, I must obey. But when I see others around me not doing that or even disobedience in my own life, that bottle cools, the explosion doesn't take place, the smoke is just a rather annoyance. Lord let my Bottle explode with your precepts.

Literal Post

I removed my literal post. It is true that I am a literal person, I do practice concrete thinking. the rest sounded rather bitter, thus why I removed it. I will not lie, I am still a little bitter about the whole situation. But whining isn't going to do anyone one any good. especially me.

Surprizes after 14 years

Today, He did it again. He surprized me. My husband doesn't send flowers, ever. I mean ever. I am lucky enough to get a week old bouquet once a year, let alone flowers sent to me. I have adjusted to it. I don't complain, or whine. I just know that is the type of man he is. Flowers are a waste of money.

Today is our 14th anniversary. Fourteen years ago at noon, we became man and wife. our life have been turned upside down, inside outevery way around. But for 14 years we have endured, with love everymore, with love so strong. With God's mercy enduring forever.

I am so thankful for my dear husband. I am thankful he never gave up on me when I was at the roughest part in my life. He didn't doubt me when I kept insisting we needed a good church to keep our family and marriage strong. I am so thankful, that he meets my ever desire as a husband. I am so thankful for him.

I love my flowers, but what I really love is him and am looking forward to 14 more years.

Hymns we would sing if we were honest

HYMNS - THE WAY WE'D SING THEM IF WE WERE HONEST

I Surrender, Some

There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings

Fill My Spoon, Lord

Oh, How I Like Jesus

He's Quite a Bit to Me

I Love to Talk About Telling the Story

Take My Life and Let Me Be

It Is My Secret What God Can Do

There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today

Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following

Just As I Pretend to Be

When the Saints Go Sneaking In

Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus

A Comfy Mattress Is Our God

Self-Esteem to the World, The Lord Is Come

Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing

Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound

Go Tell It on the Speed Bump

Special, Special, SpecialLord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word

Praise God From Whom All Affirmations Flow

My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much

O, God, Our Enabler in Ages Past

I Lay My Inappropriate Behavior on Jesus

Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for MeAll Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!

When Peace, Like a Trickle
I
'm Fairly Certain that My Redeemer Lives

We Give Thee but Still Think We OwnWhat an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus

My Faith Looks Around for Thee

Joyful, Joyful We Think Thee Pretty Good

Blessed Hunch

Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness

We Are Milling Around in the Light of GodSpirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me

Blest Be the Tie that Doesn't Cramp My Style

Satan's Monkey Wrench

Satan's Monkey wrench. For the last couple of weeks I have not been able to go soulwinning or visiting. Evertime I make plans something happens. Last week Rachel was sick, first time she missed school all year.

We were going to visit some of the kids on her bus route. The week before, I was sick. This week DH took the keys to my car with him to work, in Chicago, 50 miles away. We were planning once again to visit some bus kids today. Tomorrow I work, Friday is mother daughter banquet, no time. Saturday I work. I really hate in when I try to do right, go witnessing for the Lord, and satan throws a monkey wrench into my plans.

"Win one keep one" has been on my heart. Preacher Preached this in Janurary, but in I have been praying about it since December. As I went to the altar that night, I wasn't just praying that I would be consistent, but I could find away my daughter could be too. I want her to see Christ working in ourlives. That He can work in her life too. So during the week I take her to visit Kids on her route. so far we did it once. She visited some teenage girls. It was a blessing to her and me, and the girls. But since then we haven't been able too because of Satan's Monkey wrench.

If salvation isn't real in our lives, it can't be real in our children's lives. Salvation matters. It isn't just away to stumble into heaven. It is our whole being, our life. My girls don't know the results of not having salvation in our lives. I want them to see what is like to not be saved. How precious, Christ is really, how it does change lives, and it changed their life, rather they realize it our not.

It is 1am, and I am a wake again

Well it is 1 am, I been laying next to my husband in bed awake. I have a cold/allergy rhinitis. It happens pretty much anytime the temperature drops in the teens or belows, and usually clears when temperature gets warmer. In the mean time I have a sorethroat, nasal drainage, sinus pain and such. A little Crack (sudafed, you know the goodstuff you have to give the pharmacist your first born child for) and motrin regularly will keep the symptoms in check. I go to bed at 10pm, very tired, because the same thing happened last night I ended up awake from 1am -5am. I was feeling fine, and boom, I roll over 1am feeling bad again. I hem haa about getting up to take something and I finally do, but now I can't go back to sleep. Instead of bothering my dh, like I would really like too, but won't because he will be up at 4am to leave for work early. I rarely see him these days, because of year end close, the tactical fund accounting and budgeting so forth. But laying next to him reminds me how fortunate I am to have him.

I love my husband. I do. I could point out all the bad things with him. He can roll together billion dollar accounts, tie in the loose pennies, and present it to investors and accrediting, financial institutions, like Gap and follow Fasby and present NCREF a meticulous accountingspreadsheet (which he will have 35 pages open at once). But he can't keep our budget to save his life.

My husband is very smart. Women I work with, or even go to church with, well asked time to time, "What does your husband do?" They are often surprized with my response. Their next words is often "He is very smart isn't he?" I love to smile and say yes he is.

He can do pretty much anything. My husband is an accountant. Now by saying that, that usually gives preconcieve notions about him. He is a book worm type, no personality, geek and knows numbers. That pretty much sums him up, except for the fact he is funny. A great sense of humor.

Did you know not only can he do taxes, but I have seen him drop a transmission in a truck by reading a book? When we were first married, my husband brother/mother gave him a truck (he lost his liscense for a DUI) and His other brother gave him the transmission for it (it used to be his truck). It cost him a total $12 to get the truck running. He took out the old tranny, and but in the rebuilt one, all by himself, with no foreknowledge. He has a basic one of automobiles, but not a major mechanic ability. He can change brakes, oil. belts and few other odd stuff that is about all. But more then most men I have soon come to find out.

Did you know my Dh know electricity. He helped his dad rewire our 100year old house. My DH family were all union electrictians, his uncle even taught the apprentice program for 25-30 years. DH is the white sheep of the family. His father, although divorced from his mother, always took a vital role in my DH life. He had him every weekend and most summers. He made DH work with him. He wasn't afraid to let DH get shocked. He taught DH to work and to work hard. He would make him dig a hole in the middle of the hot summer heat, the ground as hard as steel, struggle how to get the hole dug, and then request he fill it up when it was dug. DH has never been afraid of getting his hands dirty.

My DH is a marksman with his weapon. In the Army National Guard, he always quailfied as one of the top marksman in the Unit. He also set off the big guns, mortars. MY DH is hard of hearing, mainly because of 6 years setting off very loud weapons. He always got high marks in the National Guard, often times requesting he go to OTC, but because of work, he never could. I am so glad he didn't. If he did he would of made a career out of it and been in IRAQ. After 911, he really considered reenlisting, once again, glad he didn't.

He is a wonderful father.His girls are daddy girl's all the way. They love him so much. Our oldest at the beginning of the New Year asked if they can do a 1/2 marathon together at the Sunburst. DH is far from in shape, but he has lost 20lbs since Jan 1 and been training with her. Our youngest is still too small to do that, but right now they are only doing a few miles at a time. So they all daddy and the 2 girls run together. It is so cute. He takes the girls out shooting. He wants them to know how to handle a weapon and be comfortable with it. He teaches them safety techniques and answers their questions.

My dh is a fabulous cook. That is why we are so fat. He takes totally charge of anything in the kitchen. I am more then willing to eat it. He actually can can foods. He has made some awesome apple butter in the past.

My DH for 3 years at Purdue was an aviation technician major. He has worked on airplanes and knows pretty much any thing about them. For a hobby, DH reads random searches on wikipedia. He truly has a basic knowledge of pretty much anything you can think of. From Anatomy and Physiology, to why soap works.

You know I love my Dh. I heard a few weeks back about how some Christian women that had premarital sex with their spouse, end up hating or bitter towards their spouse. I don't understand that.

We lived together for 1.5 years, before we got married, we were intimate before then. I at know time ever blamed or could be bitter for that. That was my sin, just as well as his. I am probably more responsible because I was a Christian and he wasn't. How can a person that had willing sin, blame it on someone else, especially someone that they "Love".

I don't believe love is a feeling, it is an action. I choose who I love. I chose my DH because he really is a an extraordinary man.

My husband isn't necessarily the best Christian man out there. I am not blind. He does get ostracized by many men at church. He doesn't put on a show. He doesn't care what others think. He is friendly to all. That is something he taught me, teaching me. I do believe he is saved. he loves the Lord, just sometimes just don't know how to show it. Many men have this unique fraternity, or I should I call it "I am the Fairhaven graduate, attendee" group you're not welcome. If you didn't go to school here, you are no one spiritually. Don't even try to grow or succeed spiritually. Now obvisously that isn't all, but that is many. You know what, there is more then a Christians life then attending Fairhaven. Not the Fairhaven is bad, but it isn't mandated either to grow in your Christian faith. What people tend to forget or not understand until will started coming to Fairhaven. Church wasn't a vital part in our life. Spiritual growth wasn't happening. Although Dh was saved in 1999, being stagnant for the first 4 years doesn't amount to much. We have only been here since 2003, 4.5 years. Just getting use and accustom to things takes time. An immediate super Christian attitude shouldn't be anticiapted, because you can get that, but you can also burn out with that, when you realize you can't be all things to all men, and then you quit.

Isn't little growth better then no growth? Anyway, maybe that is why I am writing this. I lay in bed wide awake next to DH, and wonder why people at church don't really respect him more, after all he has all these good attributes? And the only conclusion I can see, they expect him to fit some cookie cutter mold. They got to realize, my DH will not hold a mold, but break it. I am thankful for a few of his good friends. They have been Christians alot longer then DH, and they have helped him grow stronger in the Lord because of that. I just wish more people would be willing to encourage, then ostercize.

DH is often oblivious or he doesn't care. Either way it doesn't effect him. but it does me. Maybe it is because I am his biggest cheerleader. I know how great he is, I just want others to see it too.

Why do women cry

A little boy asked his mother, 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm a woman,' she told him.

'I don't understand,' he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, 'And you never will.'

Later the little boy asked his father, 'Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?' 'All women cry for no reason,' was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God.

When God got on the phone, he asked, 'God, why do women cry so easily?'God said: 'When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.'

'You see my son,' said God, 'the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.'

This was cute. Sunday School I was given a reminder that God loves me. Often times although I have a great husband and good loving daughters, I feel so inadequte and often unlovable. I am mean, heartless, compassionless, unsympathetic, unkind, determined, argumentative and so forth. Loveable is not something I feel. It doesn't describe me. I often try to keep it from describing me. I have to be strong. can't let my guard down. Then wall will hold. But when I am reminded of God's love even when I am unloveable, which I know I often in. It is a humbling fact. A desire to be worthy of that love, but a realization that, that can never be me. And that is why my tears flow.......

Meaningful quote

Marianne Williamson>>> Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

I really like this quote, eventhough it could have a touch of humanism in it, if you didn't read the answer to the question proposed. I didn't know why until Sunday School. Not that this was taught in Sunday School, but the lesson taught could actually be applied here in this quote.

I am not stupid. I am not. However, I do stupid things, I say stupid things to be funny or not taken seriously. why do I do that. Simple fear. Fear that someone would expect more out of me then what I can give. The saying curiousity killed the cat, will probably my demise. But when I understand the rationale, I get the satisfaction the revives me. Have no reason to be afraid of being smart. God gave me an uncanny ability to remember things. He also gave me a brain to use, to be inquistive.

I grew up in a house with a mother that had a 9th grade education. My father got his GED in the Navy. My oldest sister took 4-5 times to get her GED. My secong oldest sister got married before she graduated high school. got Her GED. My oldest brother did get a high school diploma, but could barely read or write. My mother had to read and explain the BMV driving test to him in oreder ofr him to pass the test. My youngest brother, although a very hard worker, I swear has a form of fetal alcohol syndrome and only went to the 10th grade, he can not pass the GED test. Then there is me. A college graduate. Straight A student, except for B in English. I have no reason to be smart. As a kid growing up, being able to beat your oppent was respected more the A's and B's. My mother bragged about their rebel achievements, but could not take the time to attend my High school graduation. I remember standing at my table alone. Friends stopped by, but I was still so alone. But I was alone with an achievement I knew was important for my success and with a college scholarship I worked so hard for.

I like this the opening quote because, I should not fear being smart, beautiful, whitty, intelligent. confident. These are all attributes that God gave to me to define me, but more importantly to manifest His glory. For His light to shine through me to reach others.

So my resolution is to find Strength in Him, to not be afraid to allow my God given gifts to shine for Him

Spurgeon

Return from Backsliding
If thou return to the Almighty, thou shalt be built up. (Job 22:23)
Eliphaz, in this utterance, spoke a great truth, which is the summary of many an inspired Scripture. Reader, has sin pulled you down? Have you become like a ruin? Has the hand of the Lord gone out against you so that in estate you are impoverished and in spirit you are broken down? Was it your own folly which brought upon you all this dilapidation? Then the first thing to be done is to return to the Lord. With deep repentance and sincere faith find your way back from your backsliding. It is your duty, for you have turned away from Him whom you professed to serve. It is your wisdom, for you cannot strive against Him and prosper. It is your immediate necessity, for what He has done is nothing compared to what He may do in the way of chastisement, since He is Almighty to punish.
See what a promise invites you! You shall be "built up." None but the Almighty can set up the fallen pillars and restore the tottering walls of your condition; but He can and He will do it if you return to Him. Do not delay. Your crushed mind may quite fail you if you go on to rebel; but hearty confession will ease you, and humble faith will console you. Do this, and all will be well

Rules of livin' in Rural Indiana

THE RULES OF RURAL INDIANA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
Listen up City Slickers !
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Rt. 70 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in southern Indiana waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat tater & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1. 20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day

Not carrying the tune

One of the Pastors use this anectdote quite a few times in his sermons. It is by Mark Twain
Mark Twain's wife was not enamored of her husband's cruder domestic compositions. One morning, having cut himself while shaving, Twain cursed to high heaven and beyond.
When the barrage finally stopped, Twain's wife, endeavoring to shame him into an apology, repeated as many of her husband's profanities as she could recall.
"You have the words, my dear," Twain nonchalantly replied, "but I'm afraid you'll never master the tune

I think this is what describes me and my christian life. as much as I try to rattle in christianity. It doesn't work. It just doesn't seem to fit me.

I just so feel like a shizophrenic Christian. It is up and down up and down. never an even keel.The truth isI wonder "Can I ever truly change from what I came from?"
I know God's grace can change me, but if it can change every aspect of a person's life.Why must we look at someone's family when we consider marriage? Why does that play in consideration? What does that mean?
In Institute Preacher talked of marriage. He taught that we should look at the person's family. Because we emulate our family. If that is the case, then there was never any hope for me to change. There was never any chance of me meeting a good Christian man, thus me marrying a nonChristian that was good should be acceptable.

I am not trying to make excuses. I am just wondering were God's grace fit in to this rationale. You can't compare apples to oranges. You can't compare the saved with the unsaved and say they are the same. The difference is God's grace right?

maybe I can't carry the tune of Christianityvery well, but I also can't carry that of a nonChristian life either.

How can any woman not love the Lord

How can a woman not love the Lord?
* He is a gentleman,
* He is confident
* He is a provider and protector
* He is rich and powerful
* He owns everything, there is nothing He wouldn't do for me
* He perfects all things concerning me
* He anticipates my wants and needs
* Every day He tells me and shows me how much He loves me
* I don't have to perform in order to earn His love
* He keeps all of his promises
* No one can influence His opinion of me
* He is the ultimate intimate partner
* He can't "disown" me because I am a part of Him
* He prepares a table before ME
* He covers me and doesn't expose me
* He wrote his loving words down so that I'll never forget how He feels about me!
NOW THAT'S LOVE!!!

Trusting in God

Today's Sunday School lesson and sermon both touched on Obedience and Trust. That was very interesting how that panned out. I was thinking this afternoon about it. You know I think it is easier to trust God when you don't know the outcome or if it is beyond your control, then to trust God in something you can do yourself.

I trusted in the Lord this week my eye examine would go well. It did. As of now I have pretty healthy eyes. I do need 2 more exams, but I am only considered a glaucoma suspect. It means i am at a slightly higher risk of getting it then the average joe.

But for me to trust in the Lord in my daily nonchalant way of living, that is wher i have difficulty.

I have to trust in the Lord for my families actions and spiritual condition, because I can't control that. But to trust in the Lord for my own spiritual heart is where the greatest difficulty comes.

Sermons, this is hard

This Sunday Sermons was brutal. Seriously, it was. I was so frustrated this morning before church I was literally cussing under my breath. Really the vulgar things I was saying was horrible. I picked up cussing in the Navy. I was grouchy and also complaing about something stupid. I was careful this time. I made sure I didn't cuss in front of my daughter. Something I am usually guilty of. I feel bad about it, but I get so worked up and angry the disgrace spews from my mouth often before I can catch it. This verse ran through my mind

Matthew 15:11 Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. Matthew 15:18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.

Sometimes I just wander if I am even a Christian. There is so much wickedness in my heart mind and spirit that I can't even imagine the Holy spirit living in such a dirty space.

Something was pointed out tonight in the preaching

Galatians 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galatians 6:8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

God knoweth what I am sowing, he is no fool.

I have on my kitchen on the chalkboard a saying I just put up. "You will always be what you have been, if you keep doing what you have done". In other words if you don't change, then you won't change.

These thoughts scare me, even more now since my daughter is a teenager and some of her my fruits are sprouting in her.

I am such a wicked person. I know that. But the changing is where i have trouble. I know God's grace will help me, but even remembering to ask God for grace and mercy in weakness, I often forget.

I hate that sermon because it opened my eyes to many things. Things I didn't want to see, but things I needed too

I am not a fan

I have a confession to make. I am not a fan of baseball. This could be a great offense to many, especially since I work in a very Baseball town. I often at times get asked if I am a south sider (White Sox Fan) or a North sider (Chicago Cubs fan). I just simply say I am a Hoosier (I live in Indiana). Now a true baseball fanatic, I dare call them a fanatic, and Chicago has several. Will not settle for this answer. They press on. They want to know which team I rootful. I simply say I am not a baseball fan. That usually settles it. It isn't tactless. It isn't demeaning. It doesn't put down baseball. it simply means I am not a fan of it.

I don't have to go into an indepth rationale why I choose not to indulge in baseball. I don't explain the waste of money of paying a player Millions of dollars to play a game. The idol worship of men. The use of steroids have really brought down the integrity of the game. The costly tickets and how booze is promoted at a so called family event. The discussion doesn't have get that far. Why? Because just saying you're not a fan of something, usually resolves itself in a tactful manner, even to mundane things of life. No argument or explaination needed. Futhermore, neither is an apology, for not liking Baseball.

Now the other day actually a few weeks ago, I mentioned on a forum I am was not a fan of homeschooling. That is all I said. Since I did that I have been told I was offensive. I wasn't right with God, I am bitter, and hateful. I don't know my Bible and such. At no time was I demeaning, insulted, put down homeschooling. I simple said "I am not a fan of homeschooling, sorry homeschoolers, I am not. end of sentence no further discussion, Nada, Zip that is all. An apology was demanded because I was offensive when I said I am not a fan of homeschooling. however, when I say I am not a fan of baseball, that was perfectly acceptable by the same person. Well I refuse to apologize, I wasn't offensive by anyway. I just stated that I wasn't a fan, left it at that. I didn't go into detail, critisized or austercize the education behind homeschooling. I just said I wasn't a fan of it.

The more I see homeschoolers reaction to any slight possible argument against, the more I am prone to believe homeschooling is an occult. The idol is the children. The stronghold is the lack of faith of our Godly leaders and the dependence is on self. I'm not going to make a blanket statement about all homeschoolers are this way. That obvisouly isn't true. Sometimes there is a direct need of homeschooling, such as the mission field. But many times their isn't such as in the United States.

Anyway, I am not a fan of Baseball nor am I of homeschooling and I refuse to apologize for either

Ocular Hypertension

Yep, that is what I was told. I go see an opthlamolgist on Thursday. I have one weakness, that is the eyeballs. I don't wear contacts for a reason, I can't touch my eyes. I can't even put in my own eye drops. I had pinkeye a few weeks back, and quit doing the drops because I couldn't put them in myself. I had to have my husband or daughter or even coworkers do it.

Today i wento the optometrist for an eye exam. He said my ocular pressure is high, I need to see a specialist. That doesn't mean I have glaucoma, it does mean I am at a higher risk. I did have a cousin in his 20's that had it. Through research I have found one is diagnosised with Ocular Hypertension if they have 2 exams that resulted in it. So I am praying that the next exam will be normal. I don't know how I would ever be able to do eyedrops, I don't know how. I can't do the eyeball thing, I don't want to have eye surgery or go blind because of not being able to do eyedrops. This is something I really need God's grace on. Eyes scare me, I know that is silly, but it does. I am really fearful of the outcome. I know the Lord will be with me, but I am still nervous.

Weeding out the gene pool

DARWIN AWARDS 2007
And once again, it’s time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwins are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.
This years nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI. was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a “farm-type truck”. Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on something however, and the other man found Burns “wrapped in the drive shaft”.

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was “one of the best and brightest” members of the 200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolinas electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gun-powder ignited.

Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. “It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony,” Honer said.

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After Traveling Approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. “Thank God we weren’t on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead,” stated Wallis “I’ve been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can’t believe that those two would admit how this accident happened,” said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole’s wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???
(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)

Longsuffering>>>>>>>>>>

Longsuffering, the devotions this week. This is pretty hard one for me to explain, i rally couldn't find a memory verse I wanted to learn.

The first three fruits were our outward appearance towards man, the next three is our inward attitude towards man. Longsuffering is the first. Longsuffering is the enduring patience of others.

Conversation

Dr. "Who does your church support for the presidency?"
Nurse "What?"
Dr. "Who does your church support for the presidency?"
Nurse "That is illegal, a church can't support anyone for presidency."
Dr. " I know, but who do they support?"
Nurse "It is against the tax exempt status if a Church supports anyone for the presidency"

The look on the O'bama supporting Doctor's face, Priceless....................

Peace>>>>>>devotions

Peace is this weeks fruit.

Memory verse Psalm 119:165 Great peace have they which love thy law, and nothing shall offend them.

Peace is to be safe from harm, in spirit, mind, and body.
I don't think I like that definition now I think about it. I think it should be Peace is to be safe from harm in spirit, mind, or body. I say that because our emphasis has been on past martyrs. The peace they bestowed during persucution. In this instance, they were not safe from in body, but they were in mind and Spirit.
I am not sure, but I was explaining to the girls how them marytrs would not cry in agaony and pain, when boiled, burned, ripped apart, instead they sang joyously unto their death. Did God give these saints extra protection because they were not carnally minded to endure the pain? Is that the great peace that is talked about by loving God's Word?

Joy>>>>>devotions

Joy is the next result we discussed.
Joy is defined to us as a Cheerful, calm delight rejoicing in a particular circumstance.

Memory verse Nehemiah 8:10b for this day is holy unto our LORD: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

Our focus was that joy comes from the Lord. First we discussed how King David lost his joy through his selfcenteredness. How when he repented in Psalm 51 He asked that the Joy of his salvation be restored.

We found that God's joy is when one lost sinner turns in repentance. How we can achieve joy by focusing our attention on the spiritual needs of others. The irony, is this fit in well with the sermon on Sunday night. As I was praying at the altar wanting to have that one disciple, and keep them (which also was on my heart as a resolution this year) the Lord spoke to me in how I can bring this home to my daughter. Help show and teach her how to be concerned with others. I am not sure how often I will do this, but my goal is once a week to visit some of the teens on her bus route and show an encouragement to them about coming to church. Her bus captain agreed to this. He loved the idea, and I have another teen girl willing to go with us.
That is how I am trying to demostrte Joy.

Love>>>>devotions

Love
memory verse 1 John 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

This verse is vital in learning about the fruit Love. Every Christian must have the capacity to Love. Why? Well we are a child of God, we are apart of Him, an heir of His. The greatest characteristic God has is Love. I am sure some will argue, it is holiness, although that is a very distinct attribute of God, the greatest, must be Love. Why Love?

It is Love for us, that keeps Him Holy, but also, to keep us Holy. Being good, is a good thing. Oh we all hear that nice guys finish last, but do they? How can a nice guy finish last, even if he doesn't win the race, get the girl, land the job, he can still look himself in the mirror, and know he was pure in his intentions. Not one of us would want to drink from a dirty glass filled with impurties. We want a glass, crisp and clean with refreshing drink.

It is Love that created the earth, that kept God from destroying it and mankind a like. It is Love that a man, Godman, laid down His life for us.

First in our devotions we went over I Corinthians 13 of what love is not, what love is. Finally we discussed the ultimate sacrifice of Love. John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Then we asked ourself, examined our hearts, rather we could have that type of love, if we could lay our lives down for our friends? There was no answer. But I did go on to explain, the only time we could do that is by having the Holy Spirit indwelling in us, so that we can.

On a side note, my favorite novel is a Tale of Two Cities. The reason lies in this quote "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known." Sydney Carton

Fruit of The spirit

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

For family devotions I have been teaching about the fruit of the Spirit. For the life of me, I have always wondered why is was fruit, instead of Fruits since, it was a multiple list.

The first thing we learned is that "fruit" means result. The result of the spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Long suffereing, Gentleness,Goodness,Faith, Meekness, Temperance. It is a continuous list. It isn't an multiple choice so you can choose, which result you want, but all must be growing.

The thing with learning about the Fruit of the Spirit, it requires a word study on my part. The book I have been using is from reformers unanimous, the strongholds study course.

So we have incorporated Love, Joy, and working this week on Peace. Memorizing verses as we go along, to apply God's Word in our hearts with every little thing we do.

Having family devotions is more then reading the Bible and praying. It has to have application in my children's lives. they need to see how the Spirit can work through them and how it has worked through others in the past. That the Spirit, although not tangible, is still very real today.

Anonymous

As some may figured out, I have given a Generic name of Christian. I enjoy, blogging, it is a stress reliever for me, but I wish to do it quietly if possible. I know I can set my blog so no one reads it. I have done that it the past. I just feel what I have to say is important enough not to hide it, but not important enough to draw attention to myself, as I have done in times past. If my anonymity is a problem, please relay it to me. It isn't to be sneaky, or coy, I assure you. If want to comment feel free, I don't feel that as an invasion, if I do, I'd delete it.

God meant it for good

Genesis 50:20 But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.



Joseph spoke those words to his brothers, after their father Jacob died, when they were concerned that Joseph would seek revenge against them. This story is very dear to my heart. It is a story of forgiveness. a biblical approach to that.



Joseph had every right to be bitter, angry, and even vengeful towards his brothers. His own brothers considered killing him, but ended up selling him into slavery. Joseph ended up in prison for refusing to commit adultery. He has rally trying to do right. He was trying to serve God, but everything in his life back fired. Where was Joseph God? Why was he enduring so much hardship? Verse 20, of Chapter 50 of the book of Genesis tells us why. The answer was to save much people alive.



As a teenager, wickedness infiltrated me. I would go a time of doing right, but then I would fall away again. I couldn't handle being good for so long. I would pray and read my Bible. I would pray for godliness, holiness in my life. But I honestly didn't know what that was. I thought listening to good music, not watching bad TV, or even wearing a dress would bring that to me. As I headed off to Bible College. I was taught that same approach. That holiness was an external action. I couldn't survive. I drowned in the rules. Not because it was knew to me, but because the impurity of them. The fakeness, lied in the external. The external fooled many. Joseph was able to survive the challenges before him, because he had a set of internal rules of the heart.



I was tired of the external. The fake christianity that I saw, experinced, participated in. I wanted internal holiness, but didn't know how to achieve it. The people that had already successfully achieved internal, had no use, for those seeking it. They wanted to protect themselves. Is this a godly example we see done in Joseph life? No, it isn't. So why do we see it in our churches? Why do we group the strong with the strong, the weak with the weak. Why do we not have classes of the elite, intermingled with classes of the weak?



As a Christian, who do you hang with? Do you only have dinner with the in group? Are you always stuck with the outcasts? Do you enjoy, all sects, all walks of lives in your clique? Is it just you and your family, no room for anymore? Can you be an encouragement to the weaker, can you help the strong stay strong?



My life may look pathetic to some. I have a good job, we have a good income, but I am not a homeownner. I live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. But compare that to the dump I have grew up in. I am content. I don't have a big beautiful home, but I am comfortable. Isn't that a good thing? What I have is a 100x more, then what I could have dreamed. That some one like me could have even expected. Do you think Joseph when he was in the prison in Eygpt was worried about his dwellinng place? Do you think that he cared what people thought? It isn't mentioned, but I'd say no. So why do so many others have a problem with how I live, and I don't? How I am living right now is good. It is good for a dirty koolaid stained moustache, rugged, abused, neglected buskid like me. Why can't others be happy for me, instead of judgemental.



I don't deserve anything. I know that. I don't deserve a husband that loves me. I don't deserve, food on the table, a nice car to drive, a respectable job, I am tired of but they pay me so well, I can't quit. The $1.95/ hr raise I got. Do you realize, I make over 40K/year at working 24/week. That is crazy. I am blessed. I know that. God has taken very good care of me. When I took that wrong road. When I left His goodness, and love. I sought the world, instead of wait for His timing. God has been very gracious to me. So please tell me why, I should be discontent? Because i have this overwhelming feeling that people are not happy that, I am not living better then what I could, when the fact is, I am living better, then what I deserve, what I dream.



Joseph ended up living in a palace, ruling the food chain, second only to Pharoah. All Joseph ever asked, was to get out of prison. I don't expect to live in an earthly mansion, nor do I want too. All I wanted was to get out of prison. I did. A life of wicked sin is prison. If anything else comes my way, it isn't my doings. It is my Father's. As a teenager, I wanted a Christian family. I have that. It isn't the best, I know. But through God's grace, and He does have the grace, it is getting better, each day. That is all I can ask. So if I am content with that, why can't others be?



Things that have happened in my life God meant for good. My husband and my children are saved. That is good.