Trust

Well this is Wednesday of Preaching conference. Of the 4 messages I have heard so far, I would say trust was the theme. Preacher preached about miracles. Do you want a miracle? Well first we have to Trust. Pastor Greene preached about surrendered, being filled with the Holy Spirit, and not doubting your salvationfirst we must Trust. Pastor Unger preached about cleaning sin out of our life, first we must trust. This morning Pastor Greene preached about being consencrated, first we must Trust.

This why I believe this seems to be the theme.

My life has changed so much in the last 22 years. Why I say 22? Well it was 22 years ago I came to the first preching conference. Yeah, I know I am old, and I am feeling it too. There has been many changes that have taken place in my life in those 22 years, every change has came about with one descion. That descion lies in Trust.

I had to trust for my salvation. I had trust in people I went to church with. I had to trust in revealing my deepest darkest secrets and past. I had to trust I would go to Bible College, that God would provide away. I had to not trust when I quit church, I ran from God, hid from Him (tried to). I had to trust when I went back to church, when I came back to Fairhaven, to confide in staff and trust their counsel. I had to trust with my marriage, and now I have to trust with kids.

I am scared to death, I am having a difficult time in trusting with my children. I am really trying to raise my girls for the Lord, but my oldest has no desire to be serious. It is fun and games. No true devotion. I really don't know what to do with her. I am scared to death that she will not make it. I try to be consistent, more involved and helping her. Our family devotions have beenmuch more focused, thought out and even prayed for. But she just isn't getting it. I never wanted to be a parent. The idea of molding and being responsible for someone elses life is to overwhelming for me. I am truly scared. I am scared all the mistakes, mishaps, and such will haunt me in my daughters actions. I can't parent perfectly, I wish I could but I can't. When God created me, He knew I would be a sinner, an incompetent parent, so why did He make me? And why can't I be the parent I need to be, is it the lack of Trust? I dunno