It's official

I am a mother of a teenager. My baby girl has turned 13. It's funny she is starting to notice boys. She has been planning her wedding, down to the colors and flowers. A couple weeks ago she had to have an EEG done to rule out seizures, luckly it seems to be just migraines. She had to stay up late, so I ventured the late night with her. Especially since there is no whay she could ever stay up by herself. she still gives herself a 9 pm bedtime.

So we were going through my junk in my bedroom. We found my wedding dress. I had her try it on. It fit her perfectly. (I know it is hard to believe I used to be that little). It was so KEWL to see her in my wedding gown.

Anyway, her goal is to marry a blue eyed, blonde hair cowboy. Now she doesn't really know any. But that is what she is looking for. Of course he will be a Christian she tells me. My goal for her, my prayer, is that she doesn't just marry a good man, but a Great man. A GREAT Christian man, that is in the center of God's will.

Grow in Grace

Maybe i am just over analysing this, but I was thinking of a sermon I heard about growing in grace and that being perfectly content in our Christian life. Basically being stagnant is in disobedience to Christ's command to Grow in Grace.

I don't know if this make sense. Maybe because I am typing this late or what. But I am far from happy in my Christian life. I am content, but I do want me. I want to grow in grace, but stupid things happen and I forget. I make plans to go soulwinning, but then something comes up and I forget. Something like a doctor's appointment, an errand I need to run for Brad or something like that.
Then I also would love to serve in my church. I am sure the staff totally thinks of me as one big slacker. All talk no action. But the truth is, what can I do and be consistent at it. I work every third weedend, so I miss church at least 1 0r 2 Sunday's a month. I could work Sunday School, but then again, that sometimes the only spiritual food I get for 4 days. unless, you count sermons on CD. Nursing home is out. I tried that, but working Late on Friday and not getting to bed until almost 4 many nights makes it really difficult to be at the nursing home at 9 am.

I just really do feel useless in my Christian life, and that I don't know what to do about it.

Micro Manage

Life as a mother is full of micro managing tasks.

I micro manage many times even from a busy ER, over an hour away.

Today for example
I make sure my daughters go to camp, swim lessons, get home safetly, do their chores, clean mop kitchen, clean bathroom, dust living room and vacuum.

I even comfort the weak of heart, no not at work, but home.
It is 10pm and i am talking with Brad, he wonders why the girls bedroom light is on. He asked sami. Samantha is going through an emotional crisis. She has a strange feeling no one loves her, she just can't shake the no one loves me feeling. So I suggest she sleeps with daddy until I come home. She agreed and said it would help her feel loved.

Micro managing from a level 1 trauma ER

The Valley

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)



I been thinking about this verse alot since it was discussed in Sunday School. I feel I am always ever drowning in the valley, in the shadow of some great mountain. We sing I want that mountain, but why? In the valley it is lush and safe and sweet. I never thought of the valley of despair to as that. But if you think of it, it is lush of beauty, waters so deep, plenty of food to eat. The security of the valley so Close to God.

The talk

Grace and Truth stood by the sea. Grace spoke of plentous waters to see, to bathe , to drink, to even feed. Truth proclaimed thru harsh coarseness love, the dangers of deep, the pollute thereof. It warned of current to strong to swim, the rip tide too. Grace swooped down to tastethe water, proclaimed no harm, but feet did falter. Grace scoffed at the Way, the Truth and Life, and met his fate in drowned waters.

Grace is wonderful, beautiful and kind, Truth so rough while pure in mind. Grace without truth will lead to death without life. For both is necessary in the Christian life. For both need Christ's mercy shown in Grace and Truth.

Need

Christ is all I need,
to comfort the soul
To tighten the lead
for my heart to know

The ever cleansing Blood

When tears of sorrow flow down my cheeks
It's not the dreaded morrow, but frightful weeks
That turns months to years
Failed goals that sear

Rips the heart
from beating chest
Ends in failure from the start
The work, the wait is lack of best.

The neverending tock of clock
Rings the alarming of haunt
Dreams that are tightly locked
Desires burn, ache and flaunt

Out of reached for troubled hand
Broken mirror of reality face
a look from horrible sinful man
Salt of tears linger in taste

Despair closing in
The blood of Christ washes once again

Devotions

I read this vesre in my devotions recently


Proverbs 16:5
Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished

The noun every one really spoke to me, how God is not a respector of persons. that everyone that is proud in heart is an abomination, me, my children, my family, my pastor, my church that is proud in heart is an abomination.
not usre why this verse really impacted me, but 4 days later i am still dwelling on it.