Sermons, this is hard

This Sunday Sermons was brutal. Seriously, it was. I was so frustrated this morning before church I was literally cussing under my breath. Really the vulgar things I was saying was horrible. I picked up cussing in the Navy. I was grouchy and also complaing about something stupid. I was careful this time. I made sure I didn't cuss in front of my daughter. Something I am usually guilty of. I feel bad about it, but I get so worked up and angry the disgrace spews from my mouth often before I can catch it. This verse ran through my mind

Matthew 15:11 Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. Matthew 15:18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.

Sometimes I just wander if I am even a Christian. There is so much wickedness in my heart mind and spirit that I can't even imagine the Holy spirit living in such a dirty space.

Something was pointed out tonight in the preaching

Galatians 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galatians 6:8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

God knoweth what I am sowing, he is no fool.

I have on my kitchen on the chalkboard a saying I just put up. "You will always be what you have been, if you keep doing what you have done". In other words if you don't change, then you won't change.

These thoughts scare me, even more now since my daughter is a teenager and some of her my fruits are sprouting in her.

I am such a wicked person. I know that. But the changing is where i have trouble. I know God's grace will help me, but even remembering to ask God for grace and mercy in weakness, I often forget.

I hate that sermon because it opened my eyes to many things. Things I didn't want to see, but things I needed too